


How to Win a Girl by Relying on my Grandfather's Memoirs: The Vampiresque Adventures of Kyle Ron

by gr8_rach



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Finn is really concerned, Kylo Ren is a vampire, Rey is unimpressed, Reylo - Freeform, Twilight AU, What am I doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-05-31 20:59:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6487195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gr8_rach/pseuds/gr8_rach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to my Star Wars Twilight AU, where the title is longer than the actual fic. </p><p>(Drabbles about what would happen if you put the Star Wars characters into Stephenie Meyer's beloved classic novel)</p><p>Spoilers: it's great.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That Sounds Fake But Okay: Kyle Sparkles

**Author's Note:**

> DauntlessSubconscious wouldn't let me put her in as a co-author, even though she wrote the title, (which is longer than the actual fic), but she's totally a co-author.

“Wait—you sparkle?” Rey said, eyes widening. She held a giggle back just barely behind her teeth. “I mean, the vampire thing was weird, but I got over it. This? This seems like it has to be a joke.” 

“Yes! Okay? I know. I know it’s lame.” Kylo said, sighing and covering his face with his hands. “I’m not sure who decided that vampires would be scarier if they sparkled, but…..I can’t exactly change it.” 

“Ugh, I know. Just—step into the sun, Kyle, okay? I gotta see this. This’ll get me through the next time my dad decides it’s a good idea to give me some sort of….lecture on gun control laws or birth control or whatever.” 

“It’s KYLO. You can’t be my girlfriend if you’re gonna keep calling me by the wrong name.” 

He took a deep breath and stepped out into the sun, eyes closed tight. Rey immediately doubled over laughing—so hard she couldn’t breathe.

“You—You w-w-weren’t kidding!” she said, struggling to control herself. The laughter was quickly dissolving into noiseless wheezes. “You really sparkle, Kyle!” 

“KYLO.” he said. “And yes. I sparkle. It’s for real. Shut up.”


	2. So Could a Dedicated Duck: Finn is Concerned

“Listen, Rey. You can’t hang out with the Skywalkers anymore.” Finn said. He stopped for a second and tilted his head. “Wait—are they calling themselves the Skywalkers? Solos? Organas? Kylo’s using ‘Ren’ as his last name right?”

“Yeah.” Rey said, rolling her eyes.

“See? This is what I mean—they’re an unstable family. Messed up. The fact that they’re vampires just adds to it, you know?”

Rey raised her eyebrows at Finn. “You done?” she asked.

“No! They’re dangerous! They kill humans! It’s my job to protect you!”

“You know what kills humans? Other humans. Dogs. Ducks who are trying really hard.” Rey said, shaking her head. “Like a werewolf is any sort of better protection, honestly, Finn. I don’t need your help. Kyle would never hurt me.”

“Wait—Kyle? Isn’t his name Kylo?” Finn said, squinting at her. 

“Uhh…yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on this post: alexandot.tumblr.com/post/136521262346/vampires-always-like-i-could-kill-you-if-i


	3. Your Body Temperature is Higher Than It Should Be

Finn stared at Kylo for a moment while Rey lay in between them, shivering. 

“You want me to….what?” Finn asked. His face twisted in confusion.

“You’re hot, right?” Kylo said. Rey gasped, clutching the sleeping bag tighter to her chest.

A rowdy voice from outside the tent called, “YEAH HE IS!” 

Rey, Kylo and Finn rolled their eyes. “Warm, I mean.” Kylo corrected. “Your body temperature is higher than it should be.” 

“Yes.” said Finn. 

Kylo shook his head, and murmured “how weird,” to himself.

“Weird? You wanna talk about weird, sparkle boy?” Finn said. 

Rey put her hands out, touching the center of each bare chest. “Okay, first of all, why are neither of you wearing shirts? This is the weirdest situation I think I have ever been in, and that’s saying a lot because Kyle is a sparkly vampire and Finn is a hairless werewolf.” 

“It’s KYLO! And you needed my shirt!” Kylo said.

“And mine!” Finn said, shooting a scowl at Kylo. 

Rey shook her head, but didn’t move her hands. “Second of all—I think my toes are about to freeze, so Finn? This means nothing but get your wet-dog butt over here.” 

She moved back towards the sleeping bag. Kylo opened his mouth but she just lifted a finger up towards him, and he snapped it closed. 

“Toes. Cuddles. Stop.” she said, pointing at each of them in turn as Finn ripped the sleeping bag in half trying to get inside it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished a chapter of another fic and decided to take a short break. These are so fun to write--it's like I get to finally give voice to all the snarky comments I've ever had while reading/watching Twilight. I could probably just write these forever.


End file.
